


Can't Help It

by LezZeppelin



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Lauren is an asshole for a while, Light Dom/sub, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-11 05:31:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12928524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LezZeppelin/pseuds/LezZeppelin
Summary: The line between reality and fantasy becomes blurred as Lauren does everything possible to put rumours to rest yet realizes she is her own worst enemy. Chapter 3 posted! Explicit





	1. Part I - Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like this so far xoxo let me know your thoughts. Yes, there will be eventual smut

 

 

* * *

 

Lauren tapped her foot impatiently under the table, shaking her knee as she willed herself to appear interested in what the interviewer was saying.

Sometimes she had to admit, interviews could actually potentially be fun. Unfortunately this wasn’t one of those times. She couldn’t believe the girls had been summoned at five in the morning and spent four hours in hair and makeup for this dull session.

Allowing her eyes to wander around the room as discreetly as she could, Lauren tried to keep her gaze off of her but almost involuntarily found herself turning bodily towards Camila, who was seated to her left with Dinah, Ally and Normani between them.

Camila was beaming for the cameras, laughing along with the other girls, minus Lauren, at something that had just been said. Her smile didn’t meet her eyes, which lacked their usual brightness and Lauren could tell that deep down Camila was just as bored as she was. It wasn’t something that most other people would be able to detect because Camila was an expert at hiding it but Lauren knew her too well by now not to pick up on these little things.

And so she entertained herself by studying Camila and every small reaction she had, the way she jumped out of her seat slightly when she was excited, like a little girl- she was such a baby- she was so amusing- the way her dark lashes fluttered as she winked at the camera- always the charmer. She had known Camila since she was fifteen years old and those little adorable mannerisms of hers still hadn't changed.

Lauren’s eyes immediately fell to her mobile mouth, studying the way it moved as she spoke. She noticed the way she bit down on her bottom lip slightly when she was thinking deeply about something- and how full and pink her lips were…

How could it be possible that this girl with her gorgeous skin, tempting mouth and big doe eyes that shone with innocence at one moment and glinted with mischief the next, so alluringly and almost... seductively, hadn’t had her first kiss yet?

It baffled her. It was one of the mysteries of the world that Lauren had yet to figure out.

“Lauren!”

The sound of muffled laughter around her drew her out of her thoughts and Lauren shook her head slightly, trying to bring herself back to the present and quickly looked away from the person she had apparently been staring at so unabashedly.

“Huh?” She mumbled, embarrassed as she felt heat rush to her face and cringing inwardly as she realized her flustered face would be recorded on camera as well. She fidgeted nervously, feeling like she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t have. Dinah shoved her shoulder slightly, shaking her head at her. “Girl were you in dreamland or something? We called your name like three times!”

“Guess we’re all still pretty tired” Ally quipped with a laugh and a sweet smile directed at the interviewer in an obvious attempt to smooth over the situation. That was Ally; she was always pleasant, always mature and calm.

The interviewer turned to Lauren with a trained smile and repeated her question. Lauren answered quickly, trying to sound as invested as she could, annoyed that the others- well the others minus Camila who seemed tense and was now pointedly ignoring her- were still staring at her whenever they could with teasing half smiles on their faces. It was as if they all knew some big secret she wasn't aware of. She squirmed anxiously in her seat, digging her nails into the grooves of the table in front of them. She would do anything for this torture to be over.

Lauren could have slapped herself. This was exactly the kind of thing that encouraged those crazy speculations. She and Camila had agreed to stop being so chummy in front of the cameras because of how much fans exaggerated it when they did and here was Lauren making faces at her from across the room for everyone in the world to see.

The interview ended and she was the first to leave, not bothering to wait for the other girls as a rush of intense anger came over her.

Why did she have to be so stupid? Why did she never learn to just control herself?

 

* * *

 

The girls didn’t mention anything about it to her afterwards thankfully, seeming to sense that Lauren was in a bad mood and was about to explode on anyone who irritated her.

As she lay on her bunk for the next few hours mulling over the situation and wanting nothing more than to scream in frustration, a strange sense of morbid curiosity filled her. She knew she shouldn’t do it…she knew exactly what she would find if she did…it was really the worst thing for her to do to herself at the moment but that curiosity took over her thoughts until it was all she could focus on.

She quickly pulled out her laptop and signed into her twitter account. Taking a deep breath, wondering for a second if she should really do it or just forget about it for her own good, she finally just decided to go for it and typed “Camren” into the search engine.

Lauren’s eyes went large. There were already a ton of tweets about the latest Fifth Harmony interview and most of them were about her. There was gif after gif of her staring unabashedly at Camila throughout the session.

_Oh my gawd the Camren!_

_Camren is real- this interview proves it!_

_It’s so obvious Lauren wants her!_

Lauren exited twitter quickly, feeling her heart pound against her chest like crazy, her throat dry and her hands shaky. She shoved the offending laptop away forcefully , curling in to hug her knees against her chest as a million thoughts and emotions raced through her. She took a couple deep breaths, feeling alarmed and fearful.

_Do I really look at her like that?_   She wondered to herself _. Is that really how everyone else sees me?_

The worst part of it all was that she was beginning to doubt herself.

This wasn’t the first time she had questioned herself after seeing a video or a gif or a picture the fans had posted featuring herself and the other girl. The fans were so convinced that there was something more than friendship between them.

A tiny and growing part of her mind wondered if so many people could see something she couldn’t…if they knew something about herself that she, Lauren, didn’t. In her mind’s eye she recalled the expression of fascination and adoration on her own face in those many images, she remembered giving all of her attention, almost unwillingly to Camila during the interview, her control slipping away to the extent that everything around them had seemed to fade away except for the other girl.

_Why did this girl have such a hold on her? Why did these fans manage to eat away at her so easily?_   Lauren continued to breathe heavily, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down the side of her cheek as her brows furrowed together. She was practically shivering. This was pathetic. _Why couldn’t she just laugh this off and forget about it?_ Did this mean that she…she was…

Lauren was so scared…she was terrified of the very implications of what she was asking herself. She was petrified of her own self. Her anxiety made her chew on the edges of her fingers- something she never did- and for once she didn’t know what to do with herself.

Before she could panic over this thought any further, the familiar, all-consuming, defensive rage surfaced again as it often did whenever the whole shipping thing came up. She was being stupid, she was overthinking it.    _This was ridiculous! She didn’t like Camila like that! Why couldn’t they all just leave her alone!?_

She imagined being able to physically lash out at the fans who annoyed her. The thought was strangely comforting to her.

No one understood her, no one knew the real her and she had every right to be furious at these nutjobs. _No one understands the torment I have to deal with daily_ she thought as she jumped up, pacing around the small area beside her bunk as she ran a hand furiously through her hair, biting down hard on her lip.

_That’s it_   Lauren decided, gnashing her teeth together as she attempted to compose herself _. I will never do that again. This will never happen again. I won’t let this control my life. Even if it means having to become a completely different person…_

 

* * *

 

 

Camila noticed that Lauren didn’t really hang around her or the other girls much for the next week. She frowned sadly when the girl brushed past her without so much as a word or a look, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach.

She figured she was looking into it too much. After all, Lauren liked her alone time and she was never as clingy as the other girls and Camila were with each other.

Sometimes…she was probably over exaggerating things…but sometimes it felt to Camila like the band was her and three girls and Lauren was a stranger who wanted nothing to do with them. Sometimes Lauren would just get into a terrible mood and being around four rowdy girls only made it worse. Camila shivered at the image of Lauren pissed off…it was something she and her bandmates tried to avoid at all costs.

Lauren, when she was happier, was the most caring person who would pinch your cheeks and rub your back when you were upset and crying.

Lauren, when she was in a bad mood she said things she didn’t mean…hurtful things that would cut you to the core and make you feel like you were nothing. Sometimes she would slam doors and throw things and even get into your face.

Camila, for all her growth since pre X-Factor days was fragile and tears came easy to her. Lauren was scary when she got like that and she had cried in her bunk many a time after a tantrum from the older girl. Later when everything was smoothed over again between the girls, Camila would pretend she was never upset. It was easier.

The younger girl had her suspicions that Lauren was upset over what had happened during their last interview but she didn’t press it. Partly because it would be incredibly awkward to bring it up…and partly because she knew she was probably just being silly and overly attached to the older girl as usual, projecting emotions onto Lauren that she didn’t really have.

_Wouldn’t be the first time_

There was no doubt that Camila and Lauren had been practically glued to each other’s sides during the days of the X Factor. Those were the days when Camila was feeling way out of her league and wondering when the dream would be over and she would wake up as the awkward, obsessed fangirl, a little girl who never really left her room and endured the taunts of her classmates.

From the moment they first met, she had admired the older girl, who was everything she always wanted to be with her natural confidence, strength, popularity, innate coolness and effortless talent. What shocked Camila the most was that the gorgeous, cool Lauren took an interest of _her_ of all people! She couldn’t wrap her mind around that at first.

For those few months, Lauren seemed to really genuinely like Camila- or at least that was the impression Camila got. She was incredibly protective of her, she laughed at her goofy faces and every single lame joke she made even when everyone else rolled her eyes. She remembered the days when the two girls would share a hotel room and she’d sometimes fall asleep in Lauren’s arms with the tv blaring in the background.

But Camila realized she had clearly deluded herself into thinking Lauren liked Camila as much as she liked her. They had remained friends, sure- sort of- but it seemed like every month that passed since the X Factor drew them further and further apart.

Were they friends still? Sometimes she didn’t know.

 

* * *

 

 

She felt those familiar butterflies in her stomach as she eyed the taller girl during their next interview. Lauren’s laugh made the butterflies increase without warning. Her heart began beating fast, the intense fondness she felt towards Lauren surfacing all at once from wherever it was hiding.

They were standing next to each other -  for once without much of a gap between them - and though Lauren didn’t seem to notice her presence at all, Camila couldn’t help but lean in closer to her, throwing an arm over her shoulders before she could think it through. It was almost like old times. She wanted those old times back when the giddiness and newness of her budding relationship with Lauren were all she could think about.

Camila blinked, surprised when Lauren had no reaction to her and didn’t throw an arm around her waist in return like she usually did but instead stood rigidly, ignoring her completely.

The interviewer turned away from them for a moment and Lauren slid out quickly from under Camila’s arm as if her skin had burned her.

Camila stared at her in shock, blinking in confusion. Had she just imagined the way Lauren had brushed her off? It seemed so unlike the other girl. Since when had Lauren even acted so disgusted by the younger girl? So repulsed that she couldn’t even pretend to be friendly with her on camera?

“What’s wrong with you?” Camila hissed under her breath, her emotions taking over, feeling beyond hurt and frustrated that she couldn’t really talk to the other girl the way she wanted to because the interview was still going on.

“Don’t touch me” Lauren growled harshly into her ear before turning away, maintaining a mirthless smile on her face, her eyes stony and not looking in her direction at all.

Camila recoiled as she had asked her to, robotically, her eyes wide and unblinking. Her throat went dry and her stomach twisted painfully, a sudden stinging behind her eyes. She couldn’t believe this. Her legs were all shaky as the words repeated in her head a million times. Her mind couldn’t seem to process them.

She tried her best to look pleasant and attentive for the remaining length of the interview but the knot in her stomach tightened further and her eyes were burning and possibly a little wet as she tried her utmost to conceal her emotions.

She knew if she let her guard down for a single second she would have immediately started tearing up on camera. If she let her guard down for a second she would be up in Lauren’s face demanding to know what the hell her problem was or maybe sprinting out of the room to curl up in a ball somewhere and ball her eyes out.

Too bad for all the desire to confront the other girl churning inside of her she couldn’t seem to come up with any kind of verbal response at all. Her knees buckled and she willed herself to keep it together until the time was up.

* * *

 

“Yo Chancho” Dinah, who seemed to sense Camila’s immense inner turmoil walked over to sit on the edge of her bunk later, drawing the curtain back slightly and touching her shoulder gently to get her attention. “Are you okay?”

“I’m…fine” Camila choked out, trying to force her lips into a friendly smile but couldn’t quite manage it. “I’m really perfectly okay. Sorry if I seem quiet today”

In reality Camila had scurried away once their press junkets were finished, throwing herself behind the curtain of her bunk before she had even changed clothes or wiped off her heavy makeup. She had sobbed as quietly as she could into her pillow for what felt like hours, thinking about just one person and all the things she could have told her and wanted so badly to tell her.

Dinah’s eyes softened and she looked genuinely concerned as her gaze fell on Camila’s face. Camila wondered if she looked like a total wreck and if even though she wasn’t saying anything about it the taller girl could see redness around her sore eyes and if she could just tell that Camila was lying through her teeth.

“Camila” Her voice lowered into a whisper and she glanced around quickly, as if making sure none of the other girls were around to overhear her.  “What happened today at the interview?”

“What?” Camila whispered back, purposely playing dumb.

“I know something happened” Dinah frowned slightly, her expression still full of concern for the other girl and uncharacteristically serious. “What did Lauren say to you?”

“Nothing!” Camila snorted out an awkward, forced chuckle under her breath, her voice sounding strange to her own ears. “It was nothing important”

Dinah stared at her seriously again for a long moment, not seeming the least bit convinced. “Well if you feel like talking about it, let me know” She said softly, leaning across to give her a quick hug around her shoulders. “This can stay between us you know…”

Camila nodded slightly as she released her, not bothering to further deny it. “Thanks” She croaked out, feeling like another wave of tears were about to fall as soon as the girl had walked away and the curtain was closed once again.

 

* * *

 

 

They didn’t talk about it and Lauren never made any attempt to explain or apologize. It made Camila even more upset that the girl hadn’t even attempted to make up with her for whatever it was that had gone down between them but she had to admit, in her heart of hearts she never expected her to.

Lauren could be prideful and if she thought she was right about something the girl could be adamant about it. The younger girl still couldn’t help but wonder what she had done wrong. What had she done to make Lauren turn on her like this?

As the weeks wore on the tension mounted between them. Neither spoke more than a few words to the other and it became a problem for Camila to even be in the same room as the older girl.

“Eating again?”

It was uncomfortable in other ways too. Whenever Lauren did speak to her now it was only to make little disparaging comments that always succeeding in hurting Camila’s feelings in some way. The worst part about it was that even having Lauren give her attention at all still managed to make Camila’s heart flutter, no matter what her intentions were. Being ignored was infinitely worse than being criticized.

“Yes” Camila replied shortly, taking a large bite into a slice of leftover pizza the girls had shared the night before.

“That’s kind of weird…plus you eat really weird disgusting shit” She laughed. “No offence”

Camila said nothing, frowning. The Lauren she used to know used to tell her how cute her huge appetite was and laugh whenever Camila went crazy over pizza or chicken nuggets, even if she teased her about needing to try other things but it was all in an affectionate way.

“Your taste in food is like a six-year old’s...your taste in most things actually” Lauren sneered as her. “Act more like an adult”.

Before the younger girl could react, Lauren had turned back to her phone, smiling at some text one of her many friends had sent her, quickly typing away at her response and walking away from Camila as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn’t just made Camila feel like she was pathetic and worthless.

Camila bit her lip, hearing Lauren’s loud, happy voice and booming laughter from the bunks. Lauren was excited and enjoying her life, clearly as she always seemed to. Nothing had changed for the older girl. Clearly the way their friendship had completely fallen apart hadn’t affected Lauren the way it was affecting Camila and realizing that was the most painful realization Camila had made so far. A lone tear slid down her cheek. 

 

* * *

 

 

Camila felt pretty exhausted but pleased nonetheless after the concert had finished. Sweat poured off of her and she saw that her cheeks were flushed with exertion as she walked over to the mirrors over the sinks, grabbing some cleansing wipes from nearby to dab at her eyeshadow and heavy blush.

“We did good guys!” Dinah shouted from nearby, high-fiving Ally who had to jump slightly to reach her. “We was on point!”

Camila felt herself smile slightly, for the first time in a long time. The crowd had gone really wild for them this time, actually singing along to their songs and it felt like everyone had given their all, Dinah hitting some particularly high-notes and Camila managing to remember all of her dance steps perfectly. It felt like they were particularly in sync with each other with a more loud and excited audience than usual.

“So how should we celebrate?” Normani asked and Camila could tell that she too was feeling exhilarated, from the loudness of her voice and brightness of her eyes as she jumped around with Dinah and Ally.

“I have a suggestion” Camila looked up, frowning as she heard Lauren’s voice, husky as it usually was after she had been singing a lot in a way that always made Camila’s stomach do backflips. She noticed the girl for the first time, sitting on a chair in the corner and looking down at her phone as usual. The pale girl ran her free hand threw her long, sweaty brown hair, pushing it off of her face as she smirked over at her bandmates.

“What’s that?” Ally asked, arching one of her perfect eyebrows as she smiled over at Lauren, sort of dancing around on her tiny little feet.

“Vero and the girls want to take us out to this club near Hollywood” Lauren grinned cockily at them. “I figured we could go, have some fun, maybe hook up with someone cute”

Alarms went off in Camila’s head. Vero and her gang was really more of Lauren’s friends exclusively. The girls had met them once or twice but Camila hadn’t really warmed to them very much and it didn’t seem as if the other three had wanted much to do with them either. They were very good-looking and seemed to be popular with everyone wherever they went but all Camila could think about was how uncomfortable she felt around Brent who pretty much hit on every living female nearby, whispering dirty innuendos to Camila who was six years younger than he was whenever they were alone together and Justin who Camila swore had purposely swiped his hand over her chest once or twice on purpose. 

Dinah stared at her pointedly, pausing in her celebratory dance. “In case you haven’t noticed, even if _you’re_  single and ready to mingle some of us here have _boyfriends_ that we want to stay faithful to. I’m not about that cheating lifestyle and all _”_

“Yeah, yeah, I know” Lauren rolled her eyes dismissively. “You and Ally don’t have to hookup with anyone. Just thought it’d be fun, since we haven’t really done anything together in a long time”

“Let’s just go, Guys” Normani agreed, rushing off to apply more make up to her face and fidgeting with her hair and clothes. Camila knew Normani had recently been through some rough times with her boyfriend and was probably eager to get her mind off of him.

Camila knew what it was like to try desperately to get your mind off of someone. Maybe…maybe even though it wasn’t exactly how she planned it this could actually be good for her too?

“I guess I’m in” Ally announced, “But I’ll be watching you girls!” She laughed, wagging her finger at them authoritatively. “I know you guys will be needing adult supervision. Jesus saw that!” She yelled at Dinah who was making rude faces at her with holding up her middle finger.

The girls all giggled, accustomed to Ally’s silliness by now but knowing that deep down, the girl was definitely Team Mom and would be looking out for all of them.

“Alright, I guess I’ll go too” Dinah said finally, “But I am completely taken and I don’t think he should know about this right now. Also - no hook ups!”

“For you, maybe…” Normani giggled, before smirking over at Ally. “And this old lady over here”

“That’s okay, Mani” Ally chuckled, “I know you’re jealous of my superior knowledge and experience…and of course that I’m the best flirt”

“Alrighty guys” Lauren chimed in, raising one of her distinctive brows at the two girls who were playfully slapping and poking at each other throughout their snark while Dinah and Camila watched on with smiles. “The guys will be here in ten minutes”

The green-eyed girl smiled before heading outside, with Normani trailing behind her and Dinah at her heels.

“Wow, guess we’re in for a wild time” Ally smiled, winking at the younger girl beside her as she re-applied her lipstick.

“Yeah” Camila said quietly. “I guess so”

She glanced over at Camila and the smile dropped as her kind eyes filled with worry.

“Are you okay, Mila?” Ally questioned.

“Yeah” Camila said again in a tiny voice, gulping nervously as she thought of the looming night ahead of her. She took a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed and thinking maybe she should confess to someone about how she really felt. “I just…I don’t…to be honest Ally-“

Ally looked really worried by now, leaning in to hear what she was about to say but before she could go any further, Dinah stuck her head in shouting “Come on, losers!”

 

* * *

 

End of Part I 

 


	2. Part II - Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions continue to rise between Lauren and Camila as the older girl does her utmost to push her away

* * *

 

 

Camila was silent for the entire drive, forcing herself to smile whenever the boys made some vaguely funny crude joke while the others howled with laughter, Lauren being the loudest. She wasn’t really into frat boy humour and half of the jokes were flying over her head anyway. Camila wondered since when Lauren was into immature, raunchy frat boy interests anyway. Maybe she didn’t really know who Lauren was anymore.  

Normani who was sitting beside her looked over at Camila with worried eyes and shared a look with Ally who stroked Camila’s forearm comfortingly. Camila wondered if Ally had said something to Normani and now the girls thought they had to babysit the younger one. She cringed at the idea.

Eventually the girls seemed to forget about Camila as the club came into sight and then filed out of the car, grabbing each other’s arms and chatting excitedly.

Camila followed, trying to appear happier than she felt. She wasn’t sure whether it was better to be hovered over and babysat or to be ignored completely.

They entered the club, Camila feeling her stomach twist uncomfortably when Lauren immediately rushed off, practically deserting the others, to dance with one of Vero’s friends – a tall, voluptuous blonde who seemed overjoyed that the extremely attractive popstar was giving her so much attention.

Camila was considered the naïve one of the five - she wasn’t as sophisticated as Lauren, she didn’t know as much about sex as Dinah did but even she could put two and two together and see right through this friend group.

The small brunette girl was soon left behind as Normani quickly found a sexy partner of her own, while Dinah and Ally skipped off to the bar, Ally making a big show out of refusing to let Dinah have alcohol while underage. She could practically feel the pounding of the bass inside of her. The music so loud that she could barely hear herself think.

She took the opportunity to just observe everyone else in the room, wondering if she should go off and dance too and maybe forget about a certain Jauregui for once…but she just couldn’t bring herself to do so.

Minutes later, Camila was drawn out of her sad thoughts as Lauren finally rushed off of the dance floor, dragging the girl along with her. To Camila’s surprise she came right over to Camila and signaled her over the loud music.

Camila walked towards them and found herself sitting at a booth between the two obnoxious boys from before, Brent and Justin, with Lauren and her new blonde…fling (Camila wanted to gag at the idea) on the other side, smirking across at her. Lauren always had this smug look on her face these days, more than she ever did before. Sometimes Camila wanted to slap it off of her and tell her she was arrogant and full of it. Other times that haughty smirk of hers just made Camila want Lauren to shove her up against a wall and- and-

“Hey there, cutie” Brent was whispering into her ear as Lauren chatted with the boy’s friend animatedly. Camila shuddered at the smell of his breath, already laced with alcohol and jerked in her seat when she felt his hand land on her thigh. “Why so quiet tonight? You look so sexy in that tight little skirt”

Camila squirmed away from him discreetly, chuckling nervously. “Oh, um, thank you”

He moved closer to her, seemingly undeterred by what Camila thought was her very apparent discomfort, touching her arm now. “Why don’t you dance with me, huh?”

His lips were practically touching her ear and Camila wanted nothing more than to get away, feeling trapped and suffocated between him and the other boy. His scent was nauseating her. Something about his whole presence was alarming her.

“I um” She stuttered, feeling panicked and desperate by now. “Excuse me I need to talk to L-Lauren for a s-sec”

She stood up quickly and Brent allowed her to move past him hurriedly, pulling his legs in so she could pass between him and the table, licking his lips at her in a sickening way as she passed by. She squeezed in clumsily beside her bandmate- who looked at her like if she was crazy. Camila leaned in close to Lauren, forgetting, in her desperate state, that they weren’t really on speaking terms these days.

“L-Lauren” She stuttered, her voice all high, strained and fearful as her eyes darted around the room, from one inebriated body to the next, the loud music continuing to pound in her head. It was like the walls were closing in on her.

The girl turned away from Justin, her annoyance plain to see on her face. “What?” She bit back at her below her breath, thick eyebrows knitting together.

Camila forgot what she was going to say as Lauren looked over at her finally and their eyes met. Camila lost her breath, her jaw dropping slightly and everything in her mind blanked. How was it that even at this time she could be completely entranced by Lauren’s beauty? Her features were so perfect and oh God, the way her eyes flashed with intensity, all green and glowing and her mouth…

She forced herself to look away and her eyes landed on the guys in front of them instead. Justin noticed her staring and caught her eye, smirking, while Brent stared at her like he was imagining something particularly filthy.

Camila leaned into Lauren more, clutching at her taller bandmate’s arm as she shivered, remembering what she was going to say.

“Please, don’t leave me alone with them” Camila whisper-screamed into her ear, hearing herself practically beg in her desperation. “D-don’t leave me Lauren, I don’t feel good…”

It was pathetic and she knew she was clinging to her but Camila felt completely uncomfortable in this room and Lauren was the only safe and familiar thing available to her.

“Don’t be stupid” Lauren finally grunted at her, those eyes flashing again but this time with evident anger and disbelief. “You’re being annoying” she hissed into the younger girl’s ear. She shook her head, looking at her with those eyes still as if she was nothing more than a pest to her and pulled away from Camila, saying something quickly to Brent instead.

The younger girl stared down at her lap sadly as their talk continued, experiencing what it felt like to be completely and utterly alone.

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you doing?!” Lauren stepped away from her, as the two encountered each other again on the dance floor later that night. Fury and impatience radiated from her due to Camila’s close proximity in public, wrenching her hand out of Camila's grasp. The green-eyed girl looked around wildly, seeming to panic when she noticed others staring at the two of them, “Stop clinging to me, dammit Camila!”

Camila swallowed nervously, staring down sadly at her shoes as Lauren continued to freak out. She didn’t remember Lauren ever being so harsh with her and her words cut right into her.

The younger girl sighed, all the strength and the little confidence she had zapped out of her and moved away quickly. She held back tears as Lauren started chatting with her friends again, acting so carefree - like she hadn’t just hurt Camila to the core.

The small brunette looked over her shoulder moments later to see Lauren with her latest hook up, both grinning and laughing as the green-eyed girl wrapped an arm around her waist and she giggled into her neck.

Lauren met eyes with Camila and then grabbed the blonde girl’s face, forcing their lips together. Camila’s eyes were glued to the sight. Her stomach lurched, and she felt like she would break down and or throw up at any second, her bottom lip trembling. The older girl glanced at Camila once again when they had separated with some sort of unreadable expression in her eyes.

It was as if the whole thing was meant to be Lauren’s way of making a point to Camila…though Camila had no idea what that point was…To add further emphasis Lauren then reached across, their eyes still locked, and pulled at the girl’s shirt, then grabbed her with a hand on her hip and dragged her into the nearest room.

 

* * *

 

 

Lauren groaned, rubbing her hand over her temples.

This was the last thing she wanted. Here she was alone with a girl, supposedly reaffirming how much she wasn’t attracted to Camila and all she could think about was _her._

She couldn’t recall the moment when her thoughts had turned from admiring the adorableness of her friend to desiring Camila physically. Lauren wanted those deliciously soft-looking lips against her own. She kept imagining what it would feel like to run her hands all over the softness of her body. It made her shudder. It made her brain feel like it was about to short circuit and her body overheat in a way that she couldn’t recall ever feeling for anyone before.

And it made her so mad. It made her want to scream. Why couldn’t she just get over this silly infatuation?! Other people had put this ridiculous idea about Camila into her head and it still wouldn’t leave her no matter what she did.

“You okay?” The pretty girl next to her asked. Lauren realized she was ignoring her after they had sex and still wasn’t even looking at her. She slammed her fist into bed in frustration. There was no way she could actually want Camila in that way…it was impossible!

“Are you going to kiss me?” She asked, leaning in towards the girl who only stared blankly in front of her, completely disinterested.

“No” She said simply, without much hesitation.

“Fine, whatever” She seemed offended by now, getting up and walking away from the couch. “Damn, you’re cold. I don’t think you even like me”

Lauren didn’t notice her leaving, remaining wrapped up in her thoughts of how she couldn’t possibly want Camila in a way that wasn’t platonic.

 

* * *

 

She was beyond drunk. Normally she wasn't the type to allow herself to become this intoxicated but with the way the night was going, all Camila wanted to do was forget everything.

The boy who was holding her pulled Camila in eagerly, shutting the door behind them and shoved her immediately onto the bed without any trace of gentleness. His hands were rough and clumsy and his eyes were clouded over. He was running his hands over her and she jerked away from him each time he touched her but he didn’t seem to care much, his gaze fixated solely on her body.

Camila was in a daze, still thinking about the way Lauren had stared at her so meaningfully- as if she knew Camila’s world was shattering and was enjoying the sheer sadistic pleasure of inflicting that on her. She raised her hands, attempting to grab his shoulders and push him off of her but her muscles felt limp and useless and she couldn’t seem to make her movements coordinated. It didn’t help that her head was spinning and he was just so much larger and physically stronger than she was. It didn’t help that Camila barely had the strength to fight back and all she wanted to do at that moment was crawl into a hole somewhere and die because Lauren hated her and Lauren was having sex with someone that wasn’t her.

She did feel it when his hand met with her thigh and jerked back on reflex. Her eyes widened in pure horror as the boy began pulling at her dress, his large hands sweeping over her skin more forcefully.

She screamed as loudly as she could, inching away from him and covering herself. “Stop it!”

He was arching over her and she finally managed to summon her strength and knee him in the stomach.

The boy grunted in pain, glaring at her viciously now as he clutched his stomach, breathing hard. “Ow you bitch!”

Before she could realize what was happening he had grabbed her and thrown her across the bed forcefully, her head slamming into the headboard. Camila saw stars and soon felt herself losing consciousness.

She barely registered the sound of loud footsteps approaching and shouting as the door slammed open.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Camila shot up in surprise as she awakened, finding herself on her bunk in the tour bus. She drew back her curtain and glanced around, seeing the other girls still apparently sleeping in their own beds, hearing Dinah snoring lightly and noticing Normani’s arm hanging limply from the top bunk above Dinah’s own.

She took a deep breath, easing herself back down, closing her eyes as she relished the softness of the pillow and the comforting warmth of the sheets enveloping her.

She frowned, placing a hand on her forehead as events of the previous night began to trickle back to her. She tried to…but she couldn’t remember everything, just bits and pieces here and there.

She shuddered as one scene in particular came to mind of the boy who had assaulted her stood over her with a smirk on his face.

Eventually the others started to wake up, each looking hung-over and miserable as they finally surfaced. Dinah stood up groggily at first but then her eyes widened and the tall girl cupped a hand over her mouth, sprinting to the bathroom.

Camila felt her own stomach became queasy and she winced as she remembered everything from the night before again. Before she could prevent it she had thrown up all down the side of her bed. She took a deep breath as further waves of nausea hit her and she felt her eyes fill with tears as she stared down at her lap, willing the feeling to go away. 

"Hey, Girl" Normani murmured quietly, sitting beside her, once she was cleaned up and feeling a slightly better. The dark-skinned girl placed an arm around her shoulders as Dinah joined them on the other end of the bunk. Camila stared at them curiously as the two shared a look with each other and made sure the three of them were out of earshot before turning to her. 

"We know about last night" Dinah admitted quietly, looking at her with worried eyes. "Just to let you know, Mani and I took care of that motherfucker..."

"You did what?" Camila blinked. She had vague memories of something happening before she had fallen unconscious...had the girls intervened?

"Let's just say, he won't be able to walk for a while" Normani smiled. "Or have kids anytime soon"

"Thank you, guys" Camila whispered, tears coming to her eyes as she allowed them to wrap her in a group hug. 

"Does Lauren know?" She asked.

"We didn't say anything to her" Dinah whispered. "Do you want her to know?"

Camila thought for a while before shaking her head. 

"No"

* * *

 

 

Lauren was quiet and surprisingly sheepish when the girls finally sat down to eat something light a few hours later when they were finally in recovery. Camila found it odd that the girl was suddenly acting like this. She stared at her younger bandmate wordlessly throughout the meal but Camila was too worn out and still in too much of a haze to think too much about what the stare could mean. Lauren drained everything out of her it seemed, these days.

The green-eyed girl brushed her arm against hers purposely when they stood back up and the other three had become immersed in their own conversations, walking off by themselves to the bunks.

“I’m sorry about last night” She told her so quietly Camila barely heard her.

Camila froze, shocked by this sudden apology and bewildered.  When she finally looked up at the girl she could see a strange emotion written all over her features. Her lips parted wordlessly as she stared at the green-eyed girl before finally managing to speak up. “Huh?”

She wasn’t sure what made her more confused…Lauren speaking to her in a tone that could actually be described as…tender, Lauren actually speaking to her at all or the fact that she was being apologized to. Had the girls actually told Lauren about the incident after all? 

Lauren turned away, her back to Camila and the younger girl was certain she would walk away on that final note and that would be all she would get out of her. However, after a moment’s pause the girl turned on her heel abruptly, coming up close to interrogate Camila aggressively.

“Did he…touch you?” Her breathing was hard and shallow and Camila felt a bit dazed as her eyes met that green intensity once again. Lauren was so close to her that their noses were practically brushing against each other.

Camila blinked. “What?”

“The guy…from last night” Lauren rolled her eyes as if exasperated that she had to explain herself. She stared at her expectantly, pressing her lips together, her expression turning serious as if this were a question of most vital importance. “I heard you left together with some boy. You guys must have had a good time"

Camila froze, inwardly reeling. So Lauren didn't know anything more than that. 

But how would Lauren have known about that boy at all? Why would she care if he had touched her or not? Why were her eyes practically burning into Camila’s own as if she were desperate to know the answer to this question?

In any case, she wasn't comfortable discussing or even thinking about what had really happened. 

“Yes” She said finally, still not meeting the other girl’s eyes and folding her arms across her chest defensively. Maybe that would please the older girl - that Camila had supposedly found some hot guy to hook up with and she wouldn’t attack her for being so pathetic and clinging to her all the time. Hopefully Lauren wouldn’t realize she was lying to her. "He kissed me"

However, instead of being satisfied by her answer, it seemed to provoke the opposite response.

“What?!” Lauren hissed and Camila’s eyes were drawn up to her face and she saw her brows furrow, her eyes dancing with fury. “That fucking asshole”

Camila just stared at her, knitting her own brows as further confusion came over her, not knowing how to respond.

Lauren’s face became red and Camila noticed her clenching her fists. What had she done to anger her now? Why was Lauren overreacting over something like this?

“I can’t believe this” Lauren’s words were laced with disgust. Camila could sense the other girls staring at them by now. 

Camila bit her lip, looking on silently as the girl paced in front of her, gritting her teeth. 

“What, did you _like_ him or something?” She demanded, noticing the way Camila was staring at her the whole time as if she had lost her mind.

Camila sputtered, utterly flabbergasted, wondering when she had ever given such an indication and why the idea of her kissing some guy was such a huge offence to the other girl. Before she could think clearly, far less respond, Lauren was walking briskly away from her, stomping across their trailer.  She could feel the waves of vexation radiating from her.

_I wish I could understand you for one second, Lauren_

 

* * *

 

 

To everyone’s surprised, the first one to snap was Ally of all people. The girl who was normally all sunshine and rainbows exploded completely on her younger bandmate after a week of witnessing the green-eyed girl snap at everyone.

“Alright. This has gone on for way too long”

The other girls stared at her in shock, minus Lauren who continued to glare at all of them. “That’s right Lauren, I’m gonna call you out in front of everyone. You’re being a total asshole”

Lauren threw her head back, laughing mercilessly. “Oh please Ally, am I supposed to be intimidated now? You’re not my mother”

Ally raised her voice, undeterred. “I don’t care what you say about me but how dare you treat these girls like that! You don’t control us, Lauren!”

“Oh fuck off” Lauren sneered, “I don’t need this from you”

The other girls eyeballed each other, mouths dropping at the idea of anyone being so derisive and rude to Ally of all people.

“Lauren, Ally’s only trying to help” Normani spoke up softly. “You know she doesn’t mean to hurt you”

“Shut up, Mani” Lauren cut her off, sending her a harsh look and received a deadly glare in return.

At this point Dinah seemed to lose it. “Lauren you don’t fucking talk to my girls like that!” She shouted, marching up to Lauren and grabbing her by the front of her shirt. “Don’t make me do something I regret!”

Lauren smiled up in Dinah’s serious face, as if amused. “Pffft. I’d like to see you try, Dinah”

The taller girl lunged forward, attempting to grab her by the throat but Lauren lashed out first by punching her in the face. The girls gasped in horror as the scuffle between the two continued. Ally moved between them, pushing them apart before things could escalate.

“Stop this right now!” She yelled, the most furious Camila had ever heard her. “Lauren, you’re coming with me”

She pulled her off into her own hotel room and Lauren cut her eyes murderously at her but Ally merely glared back, thoroughly unimpressed.

"For starters...why are you always so edgy with Camila these days?" The older girl questioned. 

Lauren finally sighed, feeling trapped and thinking that perhaps if she spoke calmly the other girl would get off her back about this.

“It- it’s not that I intend to hurt her, Ally” She said softly, her brows still knitted together, “It’s just that I…I um…”

“You what?” Ally pressed, sensing that Lauren would make a break for it at any second. “And no, you can’t weasel your way out of this one. This is an issue for our entire band- that’s right Lauren you are destroying this entire band with your selfish behavior-“

“-Oh spare me the lecture” Lauren hissed, her eyes narrowed at the older girl and her arms crossed over her chest.

Ally continued to eye her flatly, still completely unaffected by her rude retorts. “So you were saying, Lauren…it’s just that you what…what is it that makes it alright for you to”, she used her fingers to make air quotes, “’unintentionally hurt’ Camila?”

Lauren grit her teeth, not expecting Ally to ignore all her diversion tactics. “You would never understand Ally…you would never understand the pain and torment I endure”

Ally rolled her eyes, shaking her head with a sarcastic smile lacing her lips. She sputtered out a dry laugh. “Oh yeah…so painful for you, isn’t it. It isn’t painful at all for the rest of the girls who have to put up with you being a bitch. It isn’t painful for poor little Mila who only ever cared about you to have you spit back in her face”

Lauren said nothing, refusing to meet Ally’s eyes.

“That’s right Lauren. You destroyed that girl completely. There’s so many nights when I hear her sobbing her eyes out all by herself. The other girls hear it too but she doesn’t tell us why because she doesn’t want to burden us with her problems. We all know why. We see her dejected face when you ignore her all the time. Camila never smiles anymore, she's crushed to her very core”

Lauren froze, trying to appear unaffected but Ally saw through her right away.

“That’s right. Feel guilty. It’s about time”

The pale girl sputtered at that remark, staring at her in disbelief. “What? You think I _don’t_ feel guilty?! You think I _enjoy_ having to act this way?!”

“Why _are_ you acting this way, Lauren?!”

Lauren sighed. She felt all of the energy zapped from her. Her vision was trained on her shoes.

“Why?”

“Ally…” She sighed, her back sliding down the wall until she sat on the ground, pulling her feet together up to her chest. “Ally…” She began again weakly.

“What, what is it?” The older girl asked, softer now.

Lauren finally crumbled. “I want her so much…I…I’m _attracted_ to her…I’ve never felt this way for a girl…for anyone before…my mind, it won’t turn off and all these fantasies…God, Ally, it’s ruined my life” The younger girl choked out.  She covered her face with her hands, feeling her chest heaving as her voice quivered with emotion.

Ally was speechless. 

Lauren finally looked up at the short girl, hearing nothing more from her for a long moment following her confession. Ally was just frozen still, her eyes large and blinking fast, her lips parted. Lauren sniffled then stared back down at her lap, ashamed by what she had confessed.

“Lauren” Ally said gently, sitting beside her now and rubbing her shoulder. “Sorry I just needed a moment to process this but I get it now. It’s okay, it’s okay”

“No it’s not fucking okay!” Lauren snapped, unintentionally loud. “I shouldn’t…this is so wrong…I can’t feel this way”

“But you do” Ally said softly, “You can’t help it, it’s okay Lauren, just accept it”

“No! I can’t!” 

“Yes you can” Ally insisted, reaching out to take Lauren’s face between her hands so she could stare into her eyes. “Look at me…you can get through this”

“Oh God” Lauren’s voice shook as she shoved her face further into her hands, “The cameras…all the cameras…and the fans…everyone can see through me…the way she looks at me all the time…I’m not ready…”

“Shhh it’s okay” Ally soothed, running a hand through Lauren’s hair now. “Put your head in my lap, Sweetheart”

Lauren, for once, did exactly as she was told, too weak to bother arguing with the kind girl. “I’m so…I’m so scared, Ally, I’m petrified”

“I know, I know, it’s okay” The short girl rocked her back and forth slightly as a shiver ran through Lauren again, choking up as everything overwhelmed her once again.

“Th-thank you for doing this, Ally” Lauren sobbed.

“That’s what I’m there for” Ally smiled sweetly. “I’m here for you. The other girls could be too if you just let them in”

“No!” Lauren immediately began to panic again, grabbing the older girl by the shoulders. “No please, don’t say anything!”

“Okay, it’s fine Lauren I won’t if you don’t want me too” Ally reassured her quickly.

Ally stared at Lauren with narrowed eyes for a long moment after that, her lips thin and her jaw set again. “But I’ll warn you…the other girls will get over it soon enough but after the way you’ve treated _her_ in particular you better beg for forgiveness”

Lauren frowned but refused to meet Ally’s eyes.

“And you better hope that Camila forgives you” 

The shorter girl's expression softened slightly, noticing the genuine look of remorse on Lauren's face.

Lauren finally groaned, visibly falling apart once again. “I’m sorry, she sniffed. You’re right…Camila’s not like me. She’s kind…and strong. She’s stronger than I ever will be. She was strong enough to take it all from me”

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Part II. Please let me know what you think xoxo 
> 
> Next chapter is smut btw


	3. Part III - Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- Lauren took a deep breath, seemingly struggling to get the words out before continuing.  
> “How do you expect to do all that…flirting with me, looking all pretty and fucking delectable with that body and with those big fucking innocent eyes staring at me all longingly…”  
> Camila leaned back as Lauren came closer.  
> “And not expect me to want you?” --  
> Things quickly heat up between a smitten Camila and the seemingly changed Lauren - but has the older girl really accepted her feelings for good, or will she break Camila's heart again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I want to start off by saying thank you so much for all the lovely comments and kudos so far!!
> 
> Your response is so encouraging and definitely inspired me to finish this chapter a lot faster. This chapter was a lot of fun to write- I love writing both sweet romance and hard smut for these two - and this chapter has both! Hope you enjoy! Warning: very explicit smut ahead

Camila had no idea what Ally had told Lauren during the long time they had spent together but when she saw her again after something had changed – and for once, it was a positive transformation for Lauren.

The older girl seemed to be slowly returning to her old ways, showing a more caring, gentle, and fun-loving side than Camila had seen from her in months. Camila was more than happy to embrace this side of her.

Yet everytime she interacted with Camila, there was this undercurrent of tension and fear that still radiated from her. That’s why it surprised her when Lauren approached her rather confidently one day.

“Need some help?”

Camila was rushing around trying to get her clothes, makeup and shoes on before the girls had to go onstage. There were just _so_ many interviews, soundchecks and meet and greets that day – it was a miracle she had even managed to get any of her performance clothes on in time. There were just ten minutes minutes left and she was panicking slightly.

She glanced around, taken aback as she felt Lauren’s eyes on her and met the girl’s intense stare, inwardly shuddering. How did she still manage to evoke so many feelings in her with just one look? Camila wished she didn’t have this level of control over her.

“Please” She nodded quickly, amazed when Lauren crouched down to tie up the smaller girl’s shoes for her. The taller girl was already fully dressed, her dark hair swept back off her face rakishly and the contours of her face highlighted perfectly.

Camila felt those familiar butterflies surfacing when Lauren straightened up again, smiling at her ever so alluringly. “You’ve got a little something”

How was she supposed to handle this? Lauren was right up in her face, far too close to comfort and ever so gently brushing her bottom lip with the tip of a finger. Then she fixed loose strands of dark hair. Camila didn’t breathe the entire time. She was wondering if the taller girl realized how nervous she felt, completely frozen with her hands clasped at her sides.

“Turn around” Lauren instructed.

Camila thought it was a miracle she still could hear her over the sound of her own heart beating wildly and blood rushing to her ears.

“Huh?” She stared at her dumbly.

“So I can zip up your shirt, silly” Lauren chuckled. Camila hesitantly did as she was told and shifted around slightly, nearly jumping out of her skin when she felt warm hands sweeping over her shoulders. She swallowed hard, letting out a sound of surprise.

She could feel Lauren’s hot breaths on the back of her neck and trembled, trying to keep herself calm as the older girl worked.

“Are you cold?” She ran her hands over Camila’s small forearms and biceps, which of course caused her to shiver again, for reasons which had nothing whatsoever to do with being cold.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Lauren finally finished fixing her clothes and grabbed her shoulders, turning her so that they were face to face again. She was laughing at Camila’s no doubt, dazed deer-in-the-headlights expression and red cheeks.

“Hello, anyone in there?” Lauren grinned teasingly, raising an eyebrow quizzically at Camila’s complete lack of response. She cupped her cheek gently, making Camila gasp as she stared up into her face. She was way too close for comfort and her voice was doing things to Camila’s sanity. “Have nothing to say to me, hmm?”

 _Use your words, use your words,_ Camila repeated to herself, panicking and cursing herself.

“Lauren, sorry, I-“ _Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it out loud_ , Camila clutched a hand to her chest. “I-I can’t breathe”

Lauren barked out another laugh but there was thankfully nothing mean-spirited about it, instead she was playful. Camila beat herself up mentally again at her level of awkwardness she was displaying.

Thankfully Lauren didn’t seem to mind, seeming very amused if anything. Camila nearly yelped in surprise when she touched her again, caressing her cheek and stroking her arm soothingly with her other hand.

“You look so serious right now” She managed to get out in between chuckles, “If you could see your face!”

 _Damn, this is so embarrassing…_ Camila thought, inwardly punching herself and willing her brain to just function normally.

“Why are you acting little a little weirdo all of a sudden?” Lauren smirked suddenly, shifting closer if that were possible, whispering in a low voice. "Do I make you all tongue-tied?"

Was it just her imagination or was Lauren _flirting_ with her?

“Yes” The word slipped out before she could get her filter and mental processes to work properly. She felt her face heat up even more, humiliated.

Lauren looked slightly stunned but smiled at the admission. “So touching you and looking at you makes you like this…but what happens if I kiss you?”

Camila nearly choked. Lauren was looking at her lips very transparently and the room was suddenly suffocatingly hot.

“Awwww Camren are flirting again! So cute”

_Grrr...._

It was official. Camila was going to murder Dinah Jane Hansen in the worst way possible.

The tall Polynesian girl and Normani had walked in giggling like a gaggle of schoolgirls as they taunted her and Lauren. Meanwhile, as she somehow expected, Lauren had separated from her faster than the speed of light, looking mortified.

Camila sighed disappointedly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ever since the incident between them, Camila didn’t know which of the two of them was being more nervous and awkward. Though she was sure she could win an award for being the dorkiest person alive.

Which was why she was freaking out beyond belief when the girls had somehow managed to convince her and Lauren to join them for a movie night in herself and Dinah’s shared hotel room. Of course, just to make her life more stressful the girls (she was almost certain Dinah had done it on purpose) had situated themselves so that Lauren and Camila were stuck alone together on the two-seater while the other three of them shared the couch. Camila kept squirming in her seat, folding and unfolding her arms self-consciously as she tried to figure out how to handle this situation.

“Everything okay?”

Lauren’s concerned voice startled her out of her thoughts. Truth be told she was also trying her best to ignore the creepy scenes and blood-curdling screams emanating from the TV. Dinah and Normani had insisted on forcing the five of them to sit through _The Exorcist_ of all things. Camila hated scary movies and this was reminding her of exactly why she avoided them at all costs. The four other girls on the other hand were evidently completely immersed in the film.

“Are you hiding your eyes?”

Lauren chuckled, Camila pouting as she was caught and peaking at her between her fingers. Then Lauren looked at her more seriously, her voice softening as she moved closer. “You’re really genuinely scared, aren’t you?”

Camila opened her mouth to deny it, not wanting to be the only one of them who was upset by a stupid movie that wasn’t even real but she sighed, nodding as she realized that Lauren could probably see right through her anyway. She pulled her hands away from her face, hesitantly turning in Lauren's direction

“C’mere” Lauren murmured, barely audible over the noise. "It's okay, I'm not judging you"

There was her stomach doing flip flops and somersaults again. Before she could figure out what was happening, Lauren wrapped her arm around her waist, pulling her in closer so that Camila’s back was up against her chest. They were both lying on their sides with their legs stretched out across the couch. Camila was so grateful for the darkness of the room and the fact that she was backing Lauren because she was sure her face must have been burning red. She closed her eyes tightly, relishing in the moment as she inhaled, basking in Lauren’s clean, minty scent. She squirmed, making herself more comfortable in her arms. 

 _Lauren’s arms…_ Camila froze, her eyes bulging open as she stiffened up against her. _Oh God…Lauren was holding her in her strong arms, Camila was theoretically as close to Lauren as was humanly possible, being cuddled of all things, in the darkness. It was most definitely the type of moment that could lead to something...romantic transpiring between the two of them…holy fuck, she was going to hyperventilate-_

She frowned when she heard Lauren chuckle quietly behind her and turned her head slightly to look back at the older girl in confusion.

“I can hear your heart beating so fast” Lauren pulled her in closer, her lips brushing against the shell of her ear and pressed a hand over her chest. “I can feel it now. What’s going through your little head? Am I making you nervous again?"

In the list of humiliating, ridiculous, over-the-top things she had done in her life, the next stunt Camila pulled would definitely rank within the top five. Without thinking, she pushed an alarmed Lauren back, wrenching herself out of her arms ran – tripping once or twice along the way - at full speed out of the room.

“Camila?! What in the Hell?” Normani shouted after her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Camz, c’mon just let me in”

Camila covered her ears, humming to herself as Lauren tried to talk to her through the closed door. She had holed herself up in the bathroom, rocking back and forth with her knees up to her chest, trying to concentrate on not having some kind of a panic attack.

“It’s okay, I just want to talk"

Finally, moments later, Lauren seemed to become impatient. With a huff, the pale girl wrenched the door open and walked in, staring at her incredulously. Camila berated herself for forgetting to lock the door in her haste. 

“What are you doing?”

“Sorry” Camila whispered in a small voice. 

“It’s alright”, Lauren sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Why did you run away like that so suddenly?”

Camila said nothing, avoiding Lauren’s eyes and lowering her head. 

“You’re so cute” The older girl stated.

 _Cute? Okay that_ definitely _sounded like flirting..._

“Look at me” Lauren’s voice was sweet and calming as she put a hand on her cheek, tilting her face towards her, giggling when Camila flustered again under her stare. “You’re just so shy with me sometimes”

 _If you knew what was running through my mind right now,_ Camila thought to herself.

"It reminds me of that time you told the whole world you were naked under your eskimo suit?" Lauren grinned, her eyes twinkling as she seemed to reminisce on that moment. "You were blushing so much and your voice was so high"

"Oh God" Camila covered her face shamefully. She had tried to forget that incident for a long time.  

"Don't be embarrassed" Lauren gently pulled her hands away from her face, holding them in hers, "You were adorable" 

Camila didn't know what to say to that, especially when Lauren was looking at her in a way that made her head spin. The tone of their entire conversation had shifted entirely and she wondered where this was going. 

“D-don’t” Camila stuttered, when Lauren boldly took her smaller hand, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles before giving it a tiny kiss. 

“Why not?” Lauren’s light eyes were clear green and blue as she fixed her with a flinty stare. The depths were flaring and burning with some kind of intense emotion, though Camila didn’t know what. Whatever it was made her head spin.

The pale girl appeared lost in her thoughts for a while, apparently battling something in her head before she finally seemed to resolve something, taking a sharp breath as she looked up at her. 

"I wanted you so much in that moment - you have no idea" Lauren's voice was so rough with barely concealed emotion as she made this admission. "Just as I want you now"

Camila wondered if she was dreaming when Lauren started with the underside of her wrist and continued to press her lips on her arm, bicep, collarbone, working her way up. Each touch felt almost like an unspoken apology- for all the terrible things she had done to her before. Finally her lips rested on Camila’s cheek – ever so close to her mouth.

“Are you going to kiss me?” Camila somehow got out, taking a deep breath as her nerves continued to spike. She was pretty sure she was going to die if this torment lasted much longer - but all things considered death due to Lauren Jauregui's caresses wouldn't be such a bad way to go. 

Lauren looked into her eyes imploringly for a long moment, as if she was gauging something. Her lips lightly brushed against hers and Camila’s eyes slipped closed as she inhaled sharply and shifted slightly. She hadn’t intended it to be so but somehow the way Camila moved her mouth had made everything more sensual and seemed to be all the encouragement Lauren needed. She cupped the back of Camila’s head and moved her lips back and forth, deepening the kiss.

“Lauren” Camila outright moaned when they had parted, almost certain Lauren could sense the adoration in her eyes as she gazed up at her.

 _I need more of you_ she thought - the words were on the tip of her tongue but her lips just weren't working properly. Thankfully Lauren seemed to get the idea and smiled, leaning in once more. 

Lauren kissed her again, more intently than before and Camila somehow managed to end up in her lap, arching up against her desperately. Lauren's hand caressed Camila’s back, sinking lower over her hips and Camila knew where she wanted to touch her and was more than willing to allow that to happen. Lauren seemed to hold herself back from that however and pulled away slowly, carefully extricating her limbs from Camila’s.

“Wow” Camila breathed. How had they waited so long to make this happen? This was everything she ever wanted. The scary thing was that now she had got a taste of this she couldn't seem to stop herself from wanting it again and again. 

"Yeah" Lauren ran a hand through her hair, panting. The green-eyed girl looked completed dazed. 

A small moment passed, Camila looked at Lauren, who was evidently thinking the same thing she was and then they were kissing again. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Camila felt completely, undeniably happy for the first time in forever. Nothing could get her down – no lectures from stern managers, no tough interview questions, no 4 am wake up calls, no mean comments from fans on the internet.

Then Lauren, as she often did, managed to send her spiraling back down again. 

She found Lauren in her bunk, just before an interview and shifted closer, smiling fondly and laying her head against her chest. The older girl said nothing, stiffening against her and glanced around as if extremely conscious of people being able to see them together. Camila frowned at her reaction. 

“Sorry – I can’t” Lauren looked flustered and uncomfortable, sliding away from her as if she had been burned. “I gotta go”

Camila felt her heart sink painfully, realizing what this meant. She had been so incredibly stupid to think that their kiss had changed anything.

She thought about Lauren’s coldness during so many of their interviews – the way she forcibly made space between them even now after what had transpired between them.

She remembered how devastated she had felt by Lauren’s actions at the club not all that long ago. How foolish she had been to just ignore all the evidence of Lauren’s true opinion of her – how stupid she had been to not let go of her wretched feelings for the other girl.

She’d been the most naïve person alive, to think that Lauren Jauregui would ever entertain the notion of returning those feelings – and evidently even being her friend was too much for the older girl because she couldn’t stand to be within five feet of her for more than a few seconds.

“Why?” Camila spat, for once letting her frustration with Lauren pour out as rage and hurt bubbled up in her. “Am I so disgusting you can’t stand to be near me anymore?!”

Lauren blinked at her, evidently surprised that Camila was actually speaking up to her.

“You’ve made it abundantly clear that you hate me” The smaller girl felt her eyes become hot and sting slightly as her throat became choked up. She wiped at her tears, not even caring that Lauren was seeing like this and her makeup would be completely ruined. “I’ll make things easier for you and stay out of your way”

“Camila-”

The pale girl reached out towards her but Camila shook her head, moving away from her.

“I’ve been such an idiot” Camila laughed to herself, running a hand through the stray locks of her hair that had fallen out of place. “I won’t let you play with my feelings anymore”

“Camila” Lauren was paler than before, sputtering as she reached towards her, “Wait! You don’t understand -”

“Goodbye, Lauren”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Lauren cursed under her breath, tearing her eyes away from Camila’s form for the umpteenth time.

She and Camila hadn’t spoken at all since their argument, aside from curt one-worded greetings and directions to each other on stage and in the studio when they were forced to. Tonight the girls had won another award and Camila was wearing this short, revealing dress that came up to her thighs to the award ceremony. It was making the green-eyed girl completely distracted. Lauren couldn’t get her mind off of her, she wanted to touch her so badly but the paps were taking pictures of them now and she had to focus on that.

“So Lauren” The interviewer turned his gaze to the green-eyed girl with a glint in his eye. “Any new developments in your love life we should know about?”

Lauren groaned inwardly, hating these types of questions. She forced her eyes away from Camila’s shapely legs, berating herself when she realized she was staring so openly once again.

“No-“ She started, looking over at Camila in surprise when she felt something rubbing against her leg. She glanced down, seeing Camila’s high heel, the shorter girl tangling her leg with hers. Lauren flashed her a look of enraged disbelief. They were surrounded by tons of movie stars, paparazzi and fans - what on Earth was the smaller girl trying to pull? 

“Stop” She hissed under her breath, distracted by an eyeful of sideboob as Camila avoided her eyes and angled away from her slightly. Was that a hint of an impish smirk on her face?

“Nope – there’s nothing you need to know” Lauren finished her train of thought in a firm voice that left no further room for argument, her brain fixating on incredibly soft-looking, tan skin that seemed to be begging for her touch. 

She felt eyes on her. Camila was biting her lip, gazing at her in the way she usually did - that familiar look of sweet, innocent adoration . Lauren swore to herself again, feeling extremely awkward as the other girls started watching them curiously, as if sensing something was going on between the two.

They were driven back to the hotel afterwards and Lauren quickly followed the girl, grabbing her once the others were distracted and dragging her into Lauren’s hotel room with a hand cupped over her mouth to muffle her protests. She didn’t want Camila to room with any of the other girls right now or be swarmed by management. 

Lauren wanted her to herself…for what reason even she didn’t know. Camila was staring at her in almost fearful disbelief as Lauren finally let her go and exhaled roughly, trying to control her emotions.

 

* * *

 

 

“What do you want from me?” Camila finally whimpered shakily, squirming away from the girl who was looking at her like she wanted to murder her on the spot. She knew she had taken a big risk with her little stunt during their last interview but Lauren was more enraged than she had ever seen her before, practically dragging her into her room and it was scaring Camila a little. 

Lauren looked at her for a second, as if completely nonplussed before throwing her head back and roaring with mirthless laughter as if Camila had just told her the biggest joke.

“I should be asking you that, Camila” She said finally, bringing her hand up to play with the frill at the top of Camila’s blouse. “What do you want from _me?”_

Camila’s eyes widened at the way the older girl’s voice broke and sounded almost…pained when she asked the question.

“How do you expect…” Lauren was talking to her through gritted teeth, her voice low and hard, “To go around looking like that, to always be clinging to me, touching me, being close up in my space…”

Lauren took a deep breath, seemingly struggling to get the words out before continuing.

“How do you expect to do all that…flirting with me, looking all pretty and fucking delectable with that body and with those big fucking innocent eyes staring at me all longingly…”

Camila leaned back as Lauren came closer.

“And not expect me to want you?”

The older girl’s voice sounded raspy and breathless by now and she ran a hand through her hair quickly, becoming flustered. Camila swallowed hard, a shiver running down her spine. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears.

“Surely you know what it means, Camila” Lauren spoke again, still edging towards her once she had collected herself. “You can’t be so fucking innocent and untested that you don’t know what all of that means…so save us both some time and cut the innocent bambi act”

Lauren eyes narrowed. “Fuck you”

Surprising even her own self with her boldness, something snapped inside of Camila and without further consideration, she threw back her arm and slapped the girl right in the face.

That seemed to snap the girl out of her trance, her green eyes widening as she brought a hand up to her cheek, where a stinging mark was left.

“Those are _your_ emotions, Lauren” She breathed, “So why don’t you deal with them like an adult instead of blaming them on me, huh?”

She smirked, throwing Lauren’s own words back at her now. “Stop being such a _child”_

Lauren growled, knashing those teeth together and got into Camila’s face. “What did you just say to me?!”

Clearly she didn’t like being talked back to one bit, outraged at the idea of it and knowing that opposing her got under her skin so much only gave Camila greater satisfaction.

“Stop being a total jerk just because you can’t handle the fact that you have feelings for me” Camila smiled to herself, a new found sense of power coming over her as she continued. She felt a sense of control that she had never felt before. “I bet it bothers you so much…you insult me and act like you don’t care but I bet each time it kills you a little inside that you can’t bring yourself to do what you really want to”

She stared Lauren straight in the eyes. “I bet it bothers you real late at night…you can’t even sleep properly anymore because you can’t stop thinking about me…but you’re too conflicted…you’re a sad, confused little teen…you’re too _scared_ to do anything about it…”

“Because that would mean admitting you were wrong about something…that would mean being vulnerable for once…that would be too much for the fragile Jauregui ego to handle, wouldn't it?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lauren’s jaw hardened, her lips pressed together as she stared at her, rendered speechless. Before Camila could react, she grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. She sometimes forgot how much larger and stronger Lauren was but staring up to her face, caged between her arms now served as a fast reminder.

Camila gasped and smacked Lauren in the face. Then she smacked her again, remembering all the shit she had been through for the past four months because of her. The pale girl looked absolutely appalled.

“Don’t fucking hit me” She told the younger girl firmly, her eyes flashing dangerously as she grabbed Camila’s wrists tightly together and held them over her head.

“Don’t fucking shove me” Camila retorted, still breathless and overwhelmed but refusing to allow herself to be intimidated by Lauren's hard stare.

The green-eyed woman seemed taken aback at first, glaring at her but then grinned. There was a strange, smug, evil little look on her face that was making Camila a uncomfortable. She couldn’t read her at all.

“Why not?” She chuckled lowly, Camila desperately trying to ignore the way her gritty tone was doing things to her. “I think you’re actually enjoying this”

Camila snarled at her, struggling against her body and eventually the two ended up in a heap on the floor. Lauren arched over her and again attempted to trap her between her lightly muscled arms. Camila gasped, outraged when Lauren grabbed her by the neck, in the midst of their wrestling. She grabbed Lauren's wrist to pull it away but closed her eyes momentarily, biting down on her bottom lip as she tried to ignore how her how turned on she suddenly felt by the thought of their current position and what the older girl had just done to her. 

When she opened her eyes again, Lauren was looking down at her knowingly, an arrogant expression taking over her features as her eyes glinted. Camila groaned, detaching her hand from her neck and shoving her back, angrily. 

“You like when I get physical with you, don’t you?” Lauren breathed raggedly, "Even if it's like this" 

The two girls’ eyes remained locked as both breathed heavily into each other’s faces as if they had run for miles. Camila whipped her head away from her, a sound of disgust leaving her throat as she determinately refused to look at her again. She had enough of whatever game Lauren was playing.

“Is this what you want?”

The older girl’s lips curved into smirk and she leaned into her so close that Camila could feel her staggered breaths against her neck, making her shiver as a familiar tingle settled in her stomach. “You want to fuck me?”

She tilted her head to the side so that her narrowed eyes, swimming with some kind of intensity Camila couldn’t describe, peered into her own. They had never been so piercing before. Despite her earlier exasperation with the girl, Camila felt her toes curl involuntarily. This feeling was exhilarating. She hated how Lauren was the only one who gave her a thrill like this.

Lauren brought one hand up to trace her thumb over Camila’s bottom lip and the shorter girl felt her breath hitch, a gasp leaving her throat involuntarily at the touch. It was pathetic how Lauren could reduce her to this with only a few small well-placed touches. She lowered her voice. “You want me to fuck you?”

The green-eyed girl’s voice had never been so husky before and it made Camila’s stomach squirm and tighten. Her own voice came out as a high, strained squeak in response. “What?”

“That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?” Lauren chuckled, her hands trailing up and down Camila’s bare arms and Camila wondered if she could hear the pitter patter of her heart. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. You've told me before that I’m smart…I am, believe me. I’m smart, alright. I notice _everything,_ Camila”

Camila was at a loss for words, trapped between her arms. She wanted to squeeze her legs together to relieve some of the heaviness in her core as her stomach squirmed and tingled. Lauren prevented her from doing this, shoving her knee between them to part them and Camila gasped at the sudden invasion and firm pressure between her legs. She began moving her leg back and forth just slightly, putting pressure on the area and Camila sucked in a quick breath, immediately grasping at the taller girl's back. 

“The way your breath quickens, and your eyes dilate when I’m close to you. The way you look away and play with your hair in an attempt to distract yourself…but you fail everytime, don’t you? You’re just too needy for me. You cross your legs so tightly when it gets really bad. You bite down on your bottom lip so hard and start touching your neck self-consciously…you’re doing it right now”

Camila shuddered, alarmed and amazed by how perceptive Lauren was to her. She froze when the pale woman moved dangerously close. “No, that’s my job” Lauren rasped, pulling her hand gently away from her neck. Camila completely melted in response to her words and became more aroused as Lauren caressed the sensitive skin before pressing an open-mouthed kiss just under her jaw.

“I’ll give you everything you want, Camila” She murmured insistently into her ear, something so cocky and brazen about her tone as hands roamed over Camila’s body with frantic urgency. “You’ll _never_ forget this. You’ll wish someone could fuck you as well as I can fuck you” 

Camila’s breath hitched as she squirmed under her larger frame, Lauren’s hands still sweeping over her body possessively. She squeaked as Lauren slipped her hand under her dress and into her panties without warning and rubbed between her legs firmly, making Camila arch up into her involuntarily. She traced to lips of her sex with two fingers and dipped into her opening slightly, leaving Camila open-mouthed. The smaller girl sat up out of reflex, grabbing Lauren's shoulders and pushing her back.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, nervously. 

"Relax" Lauren told her calmly, her lips curving upwards at Camila's alarmed yet turned on face as she glanced down at Lauren's hand between her legs. She touched her again, lightly tracing her clit, looking pleased as Camila's expression changed and she bit her lip. Camila flinched but closed her eyes a soft sound escaping her lips. She slowly let go of her tight grasp on Lauren's shoulders and allowed herself to fall back on the bed.

"That feels good" Camila sighed, her hips bucking with each touch. 

"You're so turned on" Lauren seemed mesmerized with the discovery. Camila felt tension building low in the pit of her stomach and clenched her teeth, unable to keep her thoughts coherent as her brain couldn't seem to focus on anything other than this escalating pressure. 

"Ah! Lauren, Lauren-" She exclaimed, her brows drawing together as she rolled her head back.

"It's okay, come" Lauren, eased her up into her lap, Camila's legs astride hers. Camila felt weak, her limbs heavy as she instinctively clung to Lauren's neck, trembling when the girl's other hand came up to palm her ass under her slip of a dress and her mouth found Camila's collarbone. 

Camila never realized how much she could relish the feeling of Lauren scraping her teeth over the delicate skin of her jaw or how the forceful way she ground their hips together could leave her a writhing, whimpering mess. And Lauren seemed to note exactly how each of her actions affected her, smirking at every slight reaction Camila had.

"Need you out of this dress right now" Lauren got out in between ministrations. She paused, Camila making a noise of protest as she removed her hand from between her legs, practically ripping the fabric off of Camila as fast as she could then stripping herself to the nude. Camila's eyes widened as more and more skin was revealed to her. Lauren noticed her staring and arched an eyebrow. Her attention then drifted to Camila in just a thong - which was truly a sight in itself and one which she would like to permanently commit to memory. The brown-eyed girl instinctively covered her chest self-consciously to Lauren's wandering eyes. 

"No bra tonight then?" Lauren noted, appreciatively. "I should have guessed, given the little show you gave me at the ceremony earlier - no complaints by the way"

Camila flushed, turning away. Lauren noticed her embarrassment and self-consciousness. 

"You're absolutely beautiful" She commented reassuringly, leaning in to kiss Camila's cheek and pulling her in close with her hand around her waist. Camila finally relaxed, allowing her hands to slip away and revealing herself to Lauren, watching her anxiously. Lauren softly touched her breasts, softly kissing each of them, Camila flinching at each touch but arching towards her mouth. 

She noticed Camila's eyes on her and sat up, cupping the girl's cheek. Camila's gaze immediately drifted to her lips and Lauren surged forward, kissing her roughly. Camila soon grew comfortable enough to explore Lauren's body, her hands drifting over her shoulders and back, down to her hips as the older girl explored her mouth expertly. Lauren exhaled sharply, closing her eyes at the feeling of Camila's lips on her neck when they had separated.

Camila hesitantly licked then nipped at the flesh and this was all it took for Lauren to gasp and push Camila down on the bed, pinning her beneath her. Camila looked up at her, frightened, thinking she had done something wrong.

"Fuck, I can't take this" Lauren grunted, her self-control slipping away fast as she ground her hips into Camila's. "I need you right now"

"Then take me" Camila whispered softly, spreading her legs slightly as she arched up into her. Lauren bit down hard on her lip at Camila offering herself to her. She reached between Camila's legs again, slipping her thong off gently and sliding it down and off her slender legs. She arched over Camila, mouthing kisses on her neck and entering her without warning.

Camila cried out in a mixture of fear, pain and then ultimately pleasure. She closed her eyes, shifting her hips as she adjusted to the feeling of being filled so fully. Her eyes watered slightly, more at the emotional intensity of the situation than pain - though it did feel as if her she were being torn apart from the inside at first.

She felt completely overwhelmed by the sensations coming over her. Everything about Lauren’s actions were rough and desperate like if she was using her full strength to pour everything she had into it and the thought of that alone made Camila clench around her, her arousal heightened. If Lauren didn’t hold back on her savagery Camila wasn’t sure she’d be able to move again for a few weeks…but at the moment she would gladly suffer that fate if it meant a few more minutes of being utterly ravaged by her.

"God, you feel so good" Lauren panted, punctuating each of her words with hard and fast movements. 

“G-gently” Camila breathed, struggling to find a coherent thought as she grabbed Lauren’s forearm, attempting to direct the way she was thrusting into her.

Lauren smirked, seemingly amused and slowed down slightly, setting into a smoother pace.

Camila needed something else. She just needed one more thing to push her over the edge. The small girl bit her lip, reaching around to find Lauren’s hand that was resting beside her head. The green-eyed girl observed her curiously, quirking an eyebrow but allowing Camila to direct her hand to her throat. Her bright eyes widened at the implication.

“Camila...Are you sure?”

“Yes”

Lauren grabbed her throat ever so lightly the way she had earlier when they were scuffling. Camila shuddered in response to the manhandling, her core tightening as she bucked against her. Lauren watched her intently, transfixed on Camila's reaction. 

Camila gasped when the taller girl flipped them over, grabbing Camila's hips and bouncing her quite effortlessly into her thrusts. 

"I love your body" Lauren groaned, her free hand now sliding up her torso to play with Camila's nipples. The younger girl squeaked as she tweaked them, cupping and squeezing her perky breasts.

"Oh -oh...God!" Camila exclaimed when Lauren pressed against something inside of her that made her see stars. Her moans increased in volume as she rutted against Lauren's hand, chasing the intense pleasure. " _Oh, Lauren"_

"You like that?" Lauren gave her a smug look and focused on that spot which seemed to make her go crazy. Camila practically sobbed into Lauren's neck in ecstasy. Lauren grabbed her ass firmly, pushing her down harder. Camila's eyes practically rolled back, feeling sweat dripping down her face as she concentrated. She wondered if she would pass out at any second. She was aching all over but it was the most pleasurable pain she had ever endured.

"Come for me, Babe" Lauren encouraged, squeezing her ass more aggressively. 

Camila felt it like an electric shock running up her spine. She came with a high-pitched shout, her thighs trembling as she felt herself spasm around Lauren and fell into her arms, breathing hard.

Lauren pushed her back into the bed, grinding against her smooth thigh and Camila felt the wetness of her arousal against her skin as she thrusted against her, Camila arching up into her.

Camila kissed her shoulder and every piece of skin within her reach, still completely dazed as Lauren finally came hard and collapsed against her with a muffled yell. The smaller girl ran her fingers through her long, dark hair, sighing blissfully as Lauren breathed raggedly into her neck. 

 

* * *

 

 


End file.
